Divorce and Remarriage

People think that divorce is no big deal, but what they are failing to realize is that divorce doesn't only take a negative effect on the people that are participating in it, but if there are children, they suffer the most.
Children suffer the most because they do not know how to adapt to their parents being apart and taking on different roles inside the family. If there are many children, usually the oldest son takes over the father's role since the father is no longer available for the job. There are many negative effects, mostly emotional that the children suffer from without that male role model and just knowing that the father is no longer a big part of their family makes things worse.
One of the hardest parts of divorce is the effects that come after with remarriage. For some people, getting remarried is a very joyful and good opportunity, but for others it is a hard adjustment. The reason it can be hard is a new family is trying to adjust to a new dad or mom and them taking over the role of their other parent. Also, if one of the children took over the absent parent's role (son takes over father's role or daughter taking over mothers role), then it is a hard adjustment for them to give up that role and go back to taking orders from a parent who hasn't been apart of their family before.
When remarriage occurs, it does take time for the children and spouse to adjust, but it must be done so in the right manner or else the marriage can fail.

Discipline and Consequences

We started off talking in class today about punishment and discipline and how important it is that you teach the correct form of discipline and how you should never punish or reward your child.
The way a parent can punish and reward the child would be an example of saying, "If you don't finish your dinner you cannot watch TV" and a type of reward you shouldn't use would be, "If you take 5 more bites, then you can have some candy." The reason you shouldn't use those is because your child will become dependent on those rewards and start to manipulate their parents so that they can get what they want from them.
The form of consequences we should use with our children (or future children) would be a natural consequence, which consists of: 
1. Polite requests
2. "I" message (i.e. I would like it if you would put away your toys so nobody steps on them to get hurt)
3. Stronger message
4. Logical consequences.
You do not want to rely on natural consequences when:
1. Too dangerous.
2. Too far in the future
3. Others are effected.
Parents need to find out what works best with their child, but they shouldn't use punishment as a result because there will be consequences to the child's actions, but they need to be reasonable. 

One for the Money

In class this week, we talked about money management and one thing I found very important was how to budget money now before you get married so when you end up getting married, you and your husband can have a budget already started to help you not get in over your head.
One lesson I learned that actually helped me realize the importance of budgeting that related very well to this class was from church one day. The second counselors wife talked to the relief society about how she budgets her money and the way that works great for her family is the income her husband makes (they are both working) goes to pay the bills and all the necessities (tithing, emergencies, food, gas, etc.), then the rest is split up between college funds, mission, savings and spending money. Then her income goes towards the less important needs like vacations and a little more spending money. The rest goes into more for missions and colleges. 
The importance of why she split up the money this way was because if for any reason she decided to be a stay at home mom, then the family wouldn't struggle with trying to make ends meet with the bills. The only thing they would really lose was their extra savings and the extra money for college, missions and emergencies. This would really help families out if they split up their income into these ways so that families are not so dependent on both incomes to get by.

Communication Errors

The main error that comes up marriage and in relationships is the inability to communicate properly. The main thing that couples want is to make their relationship work and they are willing to do anything to please each other, but sometimes, in their need to make the other happy, they don't communicate to the best of their abilities. There are some who only pretend to listen, those who only listen and never talk and those who consistently interrupt.
In order for any relationship to work out, they need a good form of communication where both members give their ideas, thoughts and advice and the other is listening. One of the best ways to improve on communication when there is a listening problem is to get rid of all distractions around so that the person will stay fully focused on you.

Conflict In Marriage

Most people think that conflict in marriage is a bad thing to have, but what people don't realize is how it can actually have a positive effect on marriage.
This week's reading and discussion we talked about how conflict can have a positive effect because it can bring all the issues the marriage was going through out in the open so the couple can talk about it and get it resolved, it clarifies issues, and the fight they may encounter will actually be a good fight and not have the couple resenting each other.
The reason most couples have conflicts is because there is usually a power struggle in the marriage that will actually make conflicts in the marriage worse unless they get resolved through good conflict and not ending in arguments.

Intimacy

The role of intimacy is very important in a marriage. Intimacy outside of marriage can be damaging on a relationship because that bond should only be formed with one person that you would like to spend the rest of your life with. It makes a big difference who you share that connection with.
All parents should talk to their teenager about the importance of intimacy so they don't just have it with any person they think they are "in love" with, but to wait until they are married so they know for sure the connection they will have with their spouse.
Before a couple gets married, they should talk about their expectations and the role that intimacy will play in their marriage. The conversation may seem awkward at first, but you will be creating a stronger bond with them if you both know each others needs.

New Baby

This week in class we discussed the effects that having children have on a marriage.
Babies are a blessing in so many ways, but it can bring hardships on the marriage for several different reasons like: not spending as much time together, always taking care of the baby, taking different responsibilities, etc. The best way couples can work through their issues is if they are communicating and working together to raise their child. 
It is actually fairly common for a couple to get divorced after their first or second child is born because they do not work together to fit the babies needs, but start growing apart because they feel they have two different responsibilities in the home.
When the father is not at work, he should take care of the children instead of the mother so that the father gets his bonding time with the children and the wife can have a break to get other things done that she needs too.